Talking (finally) about Race (pt. 1)

Warning: this is not a light read. It would be much, much better, yes, if I did not have to consider racism, bigotry and Islamophobia. Yet it certainly exists and holds sway, and I would be a lesser mother if I didn't put in the work: to eradicate as well as build the defence system our family needs. This has taken longer for me to realise than I should have, and I am partly ashamed and yet also fuelled by the instinct to now do more.

This is how it began: last year, my 6 year old was told by another child in her class that she wasn't from here (England) and didn't belong - implying skin colour and race in the context of majority white school. The school dealt with the matter and logged the incident, I ran into the mother later that day and she apologised, seemingly embarrassed and surprised with the words uttered by her son. My daughter wasn't too bothered, was quick to forgive and happily played with the child the following day. However, I think it was more a matter of not fully comprehending the impact of the words uttered.

Several weeks after that, she came home in tears. Another little boy had called her name 'silly' and it took a whole evening of cuddling and stories of her namesake to reassure her.

Growing up in the capital, I didn't stand out like my daughters do in this little market town in Lincolnshire. But, the experience of racism and bigotry was simply part of growing up. I recall the time my father was unloading the groceries from the car and I heard a white woman on the pavement begin what can only be described as a ten minute screaming tirade on our usually quiet Harrow street. My father continued to walk back to the boot and unload, obviously pained, but not able to respond. And nobody else did. Or the countless times my mother has been to the GP and been treated simply like dirt. The family I know in Hertfordshire who moved house as they were being targeted. An incident on a bus.  The post-natal appointment in which I was asked if I needed a translated leaflet (and the same question not asked of a group of white Europeans who could actually have used one). Yet, we didn't have the language to discuss this form of abuse, and all the little microaggressions that comes with not being white.

Certainly, racism and bigotry exists. It also seems to be on the rise. And yet, in my experience as a teacher and also as a mother I have no training in which to combat this. What are the tools? The resources? How should I speak to my children about the inequities of the world, that will impact them and their futures (as brown Muslim girls)?

Reni Eddo-Lodge's book "Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race" is a must read, and was the first step. As a person of colour we can also be guilty of perpetuating the supremacy of one race, to deny, and as a South Asian there is also a lot more work to do in dismantling our inherited Anglophilic tendencies.

The next step is quite uncharacteristic of me, yet essential. I will be going back to the school and questioning their antiracism policies and learning. My aim is not to shame or name. It is to work towards a collective future of acceptance, not just tolerance, of diversity rather than tokenism, of empathy and true understanding over limited knowledge.

(Continued in Part 2)